The following is a deeply personal account of the birth of my daughter.

Juliet’s Birth Story

The plan was to have a natural birth. Steve and I had taken a series of classes learning HypnoBirthing and we were so excited and confident that we would be able to have a beautiful, natural birth with no drugs or medical interventions. On October 28, 2010 at 5:00AM, Steve and I checked into Foothill Presbyterian Hospital to be induced. We had decided this would be the best for the baby as I was very quickly nearing 42 weeks pregnant and after that point the risks outweigh the benefits of keeping baby in much longer. I was ready, scared and excited.

It took about 2 hours to get everything set up. I changed into a hospital gown, gave a urine sample, had my blood drawn and had an IV put in my hand (my least favorite part). My belly was hooked up to the fetal monitoring. The top line would read the baby’s heartbeat and the bottom line measured the intensity of my contractions.

Slightly after 7:00AM I was given Cytotec orally to start contractions. It took a while for things to get moving along. The contractions came and went, but they weren’t too intense. I started

using the HypnoBirthing techniques I had learned and felt that I was handling them like a champ. Steve and I passed the time by watching television, including some Canadian TV show called Edgemont that we’d never heard of, but starred a bunch of actors that we recognized from Battlestar Galactica.

I should mention that when I went in to be induced I was already 3 to 4 cm dilated and about 70 to 80% effaced. Around 2:00PM, Dr. Williams showed up to check on the progression of my labor. After an internal exam he stated that I was 7 cm dilated and about 85 to 90% effaced! What good news! I was in transition already! Transition stage of labor is the most intense, but it is also the shortest. I was so excited at the thought that our baby would arrive potentially later in the evening!

And so labor continued. The intensity of the contractions picked up fairly quickly and I soon found myself not being able to talk through them. I was faring okay until the night shift OB nurses came in after 7:00PM and gave me an internal exam to check my progress, stating that I was still at 7 cm dilated, possibly even 6 cm. How could this be? I had been laboring for so long! Surely I must have been farther along than that. Psychologically, this news set me back. I was disappointed. How much longer would I be in labor?

The clock was my enemy. I kept staring at the hands of the clock tick on and on and there seemed to be no end to labor. I was losing my shit. The contractions were right on top of each other, coming every 2 minutes or so with an intensity that I didn’t know how to handle. I tried laboring on the birthing ball that Steve and I had brought into the hospital. It helped some, but I was unsure of myself and I started to fight the contractions. I was screaming and crying and telling Steve that I couldn’t do this anymore. I started saying things to Steve that almost convinced me that some demonic force had taken over my body due to all the hateful things I was saying! I would jump quickly from “Fuck you and your face” to “I’m so sorry---I love you”.

With every surge I started bemoaning about all the different foods I wanted to eat. Kringla, pizza, lollipops, egg salad sandwiches…You name it, I wanted it.

Time wore on. I couldn’t handle the intensity of the contractions anymore. I was operating on 4 hours of sleep and ice chips. I was losing the battle. I kept saying, “If only I could just get some sleep I could do this. I could do this.” But I was insistent on not getting an epidural. No drugs for me, thank you.

I was worn out. Around 11:00PM or so we decided to call the nurse in to check on my progress. Perhaps I was close to delivering soon, I thought. The nurse checked me: I was still at 7 cm. All the nurses kept saying what a champ I was for going at it for so long and with no drugs. However, I knew I couldn’t keep this up for any longer. I was an emotional and physical mess. Steve and I then decided the best thing for me and the baby would be a c-section.

I was so scared. I was terrified of having major abdominal surgery, but I just wanted to meet our baby. Things were under way to prepare me for the c-section. Steve was given hospital scrubs to put on and I was given an injection of terbutaline to slow down and/or stop the contractions. The side effect of the injection or possibly my nerves made me start shaking uncontrollably. One of the nurses shaved me. I was crying and looking at Steve and asking him if everything was going to be okay. He reiterated to me that we were doing the right thing and that we had done everything we possibly could to get her here naturally.

I was wheeled down to the first floor for surgery. Steve followed. I was given a pill and a small amount of liquid to drink just in case I got nauseated. I was then temporarily separated from Steve while they prepped me and gave me a spinal block. I was very thankful that I couldn’t see what they were doing and I was so glad that the anesthesiologist and the OR nurse were so kind and understanding with me. I was so scared.

The spinal block began to quickly take effect and soon I couldn’t feel my body from the waist down. It was like feeling the worst case of pins and needles ever; I felt completely numb. Steve was brought back in and I started to cry again—I was so happy to see him. The c-section began. I was told that I would feel pressure as they worked to bring my baby out. It was the strangest feeling. I could feel all this tugging. No pain, just tugging. No sooner had I felt the tugging then our daughter was born! She was crying! She was breathing! She was finally here! I was delirious and ecstatic and in disbelief! Juliet Amelia Medeiros was born at 12:57AM on October 29, 2010 weighing in at exactly 3200 grams or 7 pounds and 1 ounce.

I was beyond exhausted. Steve went to her side while I was wheeled away to the ICU for recovery. I finally passed out from exhaustion while I was in the ICU. I woke up slightly before 2:00AM still very tired and immediately asked the nurse when I could see my baby. She said that they were about to wheel me back upstairs in a few minutes. I didn’t have the energy to cry, but I cried anyway. Silent tears came down my face as I looked forward to seeing my baby soon.

I was wheeled back up to the third floor, transferred into my bed and Steve walked in holding Juliet. A flood of emotions came over me! My baby. My beautiful baby girl was here and I was looking right at her. Steve and I were crying at this point, just cherishing this moment and holding and looking at our baby girl. Juliet was immediately put to my chest for skin-to-skin contact. She was so tiny and perfect! My parents came in to visit and take pictures and see how we were all doing and then the very long day or days came to an end as we all settled in to get a few hours of shut-eye.

As it turned out, deciding to go ahead with the c-section was the best thing we could have done for both Juliet and me. Steve later told me that the reason I was stuck forever at 7 cm was because Juliet couldn’t descend down. The umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck when she was born. I was so relieved to hear that we had done the right thing. I was worried that I hadn’t given natural childbirth enough of a chance, but I was so glad that we had made the right decision for the safety of the baby and me.

Having Juliet come into our lives is the single most amazing experience I have ever been through and I am cherishing every single moment that we have with her. She is the light of our lives.

Hormones and Frustration.

My due date is in about five days. Tick tock, tick tock.

I've noticed that I've become very short-tempered with people (though not outwardly, really) who keep asking if I've had the baby yet, and YES, even in person.

"Yeah, this is just a fake belly I'm wearing to fool you all."

I've been very emotional these past few days and trying not to stress out, but I'm finding it difficult not to do so.

I'm supposed to be relaxing, or something, because "once the baby comes you won't get any sleep" or some nonsense like that. Well-meaning advice from strangers, friends and family is only annoying me. Everyone is watching me like a ticking time-bomb and all I can think about is how I've nothing to do except wait for the baby to come and that's making me even crazier.

It doesn't help that a short time after the baby comes I'm going to have to go back to work...whatever that is supposed to be.

The thought of going back to my old job is enough to make me blow my brains out. I was only making $900 a month and it was so unbelievably boring. I worked there two years. That is enough.

So I sit here at the house all day waiting.

Waiting to go into labor.

Waiting for Steve to come home every day from work.

Waiting for a beautiful, magical well-paying job to appear before me once the baby comes.

Waiting.

I know that my whole world is going to be turned upside-down in a really wonderful way once my daughter comes; I'm hoping with that comes the clarity and know-how to figure out what my next step in life should be.

Pity Blog.

No one reads this blog.
That's okay.
I figured I'd sneak in a blog though before the baby comes, because once the baby comes, I'll sure to be away from the computer for quite some time.

Here's a current photo of the pregnantness:

Note my hand gestures of "Please, dear daughter. Please come out!"

Seriously, she's getting very heavy to carry. My back is not a happy camper and neither are my hips.

I can't wait to meet her, though. I can only imagine what it's going to be like when we first see each other! And what will she look like? When will she come? Ah, the mystery of life.

Well, I best be off to bed now. Gotta be up early in the morning.

Ciao!

I am a terrible blogger.

Shame on me!

I just realized that I haven't written in this thing since March. Since MARCH, people. Shame, shame. The past 6 or 7 months have been terribly all-consuming, you know, because I'm pregnant.

Most friends on the Twitter or Facebook are aware of this and have been since about April or so, so that's fun. However, if you don't know me so well, or you've been hiding under a rock, now you know!

This is my first pregnancy. Today I'm officially 28 weeks along. We're expecting a girl! I'm getting very excited about meeting her, which should be happening sometime around mid-October-ish if she decides to come on time. Only time will tell, of course.

Here is a recent photo:

The dog you see to the right is Penny. We dogsit her from time to time.

The mess you see in the background is the current state of our house due to construction being done (which will hopefully be done soon)!

I really don't have a whole lot else to say other than "I'm pregnant and it's all-consuming". Ha. I spent a lot of time today researching the efficacy of childhood vaccinations, made the mistake of posting about it on Facebook and henceforth opened up a can of worms! So that's always fun. Haha!

I'm unemployed! That stinks. But I'm trying to keep faith that something will pop up after I've had enough time with the baby in order for me to go back to work.

That's about it, though. Next month I turn 25. Quarter of a century. How 'bout that.

Well, it's late. Hopefully I blog again sooner rather than later!

Ciao.

She & Him: Volume Two

She & Him's new album Volume Two is now available for live streaming on NPR.org, a week before the actual release.


No surprises here. Zooey Deschanel and M. Ward come back for a second round of pop music with that certain throwback to the 1960s. The music is nothing wildly impressive or mind-blowing, but it certainly is sweet to listen to. This is the kind of album you want to have playing in the background on a summer day, drinking a cool glass of lemonade. There is a chorus in the background of a number of the songs, which I quite like. Overall impression: ★★★★★★★✩✩✩ 7/10 stars.

Why So Angry?

It's a new month! Hello, February. Happy Groundhog Day. Will we have more Winter or is Spring coming early? It's hard to tell here in Southern California, where it doesn't really get that cold at all. I would love to have some more rain, though. That would be nice.

I'm here today to talk to you about anger. No one is perfect, but I am trying my best to live a more zen existence, and to not get angry about things that don't matter. My failing currently is being furious at idiotic drivers on my daily commute.

That said, here is something I don't understand. Why would you get angry at someone's personal choices that have nothing to do with you?

Case in point: Ever since November, I have had an intolerance to red meat. I have eaten meat my whole life, but ever since November, my body wasn't having it anymore. The smell of it makes me sick. I can't eat it. I am also trying to cut out other meat, so as to possibly become vegetarian, but everything in baby steps.

I happened to mention this on Twitter last night:
"Well, that's gross. My intolerance for meat (mostly red) has gotten so bad that I smelled my parents cooking it and nearly vomited. YUCK."

I then received replies such as "beef is fucking delicious, what is wrong with you?"

I honestly do not understand the opposition some people have for vegetarians. People get furious about it: "I LOVE MOO COW MEAT SO SHOULD YOU! ARGHHHHHH FEEL MY WRATH! LOVE THE MEAT; EAT IT BITCH!" Really? Do you feel that insecure about your reasons for eating meat that you feel the need to lash out at other people who don't eat it?

The same can be said for any type of unwarranted anger. People who get upset about same sex marriage, for example.

When people don't understand something, they become enraged.

I find it to be quite maddening, myself.

Perhaps if these people were to educate themselves, they wouldn't be so angry and quick to judge.

On that note, I leave you with a quote from Dune:

"How often it is that the angry man rages denial of what his inner self is telling him."


The Spice Must Flow,

Salutations!

It's been quite some time since I've written. I apologize. Honestly, I was under the impression that no one was really reading this thing, but per a conversation I had last evening with my dear friend Jeremy, apparently people do read this. Cool.

It's a rather rainy week here in Southern California, and despite idiotic drivers on the road (it's just rain, people), I am thoroughly enjoying this fine, fine precipitation. My health is being a bit of a pisser right now. I've been having coccydynia (fancy talk for tailbone pain) for the past 3 weeks, and that pretty much blows ass. Literally. But all things considered, I can't complain too much. I have really great friends, a great boyfriend...the status is quo. And yes, I know I'm using that phrase incorrectly.

I'm still on the lookout for a new job, so if anyone knows of someone who's looking to hire someone fabulous like me with super sweet organizational skills, a love for music and theater, and a great sense of humor, let me know!

That said, how is this first month of 2010 treating everyone else out there?

A well thought-out post of substance coming your way soon.

Longing For A Donut Cushion,